Part 1: Yours Until The Stars Fall From the Sky
4271 words
You didn’t even know why or even when Alex decided to start hating you. One day you just walked into class and that boy you knew who was so sweet and kind was suddenly eternally mad at you.
Obviously, you gave it right back to him - and that’s when your rivalry started.
Grade 11 was an overwhelming year, filled with tasks, due dates, people on actual dates and you’re still trying to keep your head afloat.
Alex was not helping. Making a nasty rumor about you, saying something completely false and somehow everybody believes it despite how stupid it sounds.
You minded your own business when suddenly everybody looks at you sideways and whispers as you walk past.
The grapevine eventually reaches your ear saying “he said you’re not a virgin anymore” and you roll your eyes as you wonder how they all believe this shit.
The rumor was circulating, your mom tells you just to ignore it and that everybody will forget about it in a couple days, and you just sit and wonder why would he do this?
Your relationship rotted into something ugly, something that was maddening and so sickening inside of you that it made you not want to come to school.
You didn’t want to see his ego get inflated, didn’t want to see him have glory once again. You were mad you let him have that power over you.
Was this truly what you deserved? Despite there quite truly being nothing that you ever did to him, it made you angry, it made you bitter.
You just try to distract yourself by powering through your schoolwork, trying to get top of the class, but the ache and pure rage remains deep inside you.
It burns, and it makes you even more passionate to just finally get back at him.
“98, well done.” Your teacher hands back your Geography paper. 98 is a brilliant score. It’s fantastic even.
The red A+ in the corner is shining back at you, but you know it would mean nothing if Alex did even better than you.
You grimace, you start seeing his proud expression in your mind as he held up his test to the class in triumph. He’d beaten you for #1 student last week in school, and you still remember that moment where you realized he’d actually done all of this just purely to get back at you.
Wasn’t he a C- student last time you checked?
But you kept your ears open as the teacher moved to Alex, who sat behind you. “66%.” She speaks bluntly as she hands him his test. You seriously beat him by a long shot? What were the chances?
You’d beaten him.
You felt that feeling of success flood your veins, however, it was short-lived. You never expressed your good marks in the way that he did - bombastically and practically begging for each one of your classmates attention, but you always enjoyed doing better than him, even if it was quiet and reserved.
Somehow it felt wrong this time. The anxiety was flooding your veins not seconds after the relief of knowing he wouldn’t have done better than you had arrived. You just looked down and turned over your paper.
When class was out, he didn’t make any snide remarks, didn't insult you, didn’t even try to make you feel slightly worse about yourself. He walked quietly past you as the noise from all the kids echoed in the classroom.
⊹︵︵︵ ⊹ 𝄞 ⊹ ︵︵︵ ⊹
You sat inside the heavenly lobby of the hotel you were staying at. It was luxurious, men in suits, women following intertwined in dresses and heels. You stood in your school uniform not feeling like you belonged here, where did public school funding get this much money for a hotel on a Geography school practical?
You were only staying for a night. You dreaded being far from home with nobody you really liked. Since the day of the Geography test, Alex has been a bit different, more silent around you. When you looked at his face, it was either filled with worry, anxiety or stress. Was he actually okay? It was just a stupid Geography test he’d forget about in the future.
Clearly not - because he stands next to you fiddling with the folded edge of his blazer. There’s about 18 kids standing in the group with you around some table. At some point water had appeared on the table with some pineapple on a toothpick. You didn’t even realize.
You reach down to take a bite of the pineapple as your teacher walks up to you.
“I hope you’re all going to behave. We have to have 2 students in a room.” She announces, everybody groaning all at once.
“Unfortunately, I’ve tried to make it so it’s girls with girls and boys with boys, but that leaves 2 people who have to share a room.” She stops, looking down at some papers. “So you will collect your keycards at the front desk, and before you do-“ she stops a group of boys already walking off to the reception desk.
“Unless someone comes forward and says they want to share a room with one of the boys I will have to be picking 2 people.” You sighed, well you were obviously going to stay silent. Why would you share a room with Cameron?
Unsurprisingly, everybody stays quiet. So, she picks two people.
“You two, you should get along.” She points at you and Alex. Oh god, Alex? The panic starts setting in, and you’re absolutely dumbfounded. She must’ve done this on purpose.
“But ma’am, I can’t share a room with her!” Alex exclaims, quickly running after her as everybody walks off to the front desk. “Tough luck, it’s only one night, man up and get over it, or sleep on the floor if you hate her so much.”
Great.
Safe to say you also weren’t excited to share a room with Alex. He’d probably push you off the bed or something. You grab your bag, seeing as everybody else is at the reception getting keycards there wasn’t an out from this.
It’s only one night.
So you walk to the desk and get two keycards. One for you, one for Alex. You walked back to him and gave him the card. You giggled as you started speaking, “if you hate me so much, sleep on the floor.”
He groans and reluctantly takes the card from you, not even saying a word. You both walk to the elevator and get in with the rest of your classmates.
It smelled a bit sweaty and you just wanted to get into a nice, hot shower. When you reached your floor, you got off and walked down the carpeted hallway with your suitcase. It was just as grand as the lobby and it was just a hallway.
When you reached your room, you slid in the keycard and watched as the room came to life. A fresh smell entered your nostrils and the cold, air-conditioned room was in front of you. Alex followed as you entered the room. The bed pushed into the middle with two bedside cabinets next to it and no door to the bathroom?
The bathtub lay right in the middle of the bathroom which was just open. No door, just a wall with a bathroom sink behind it and a mirror.
“Did they seriously book us a couples room?” You look down on the keycard, turning it around to see if it said anything, it didn’t, but the booklet sitting on the desk opposite to the bed did say couples, confirming your suspicions.
“How am I meant to take a bath?” He exclaims, dropping his backpack and looking around in the bathroom. “I can’t even bath in private!” He says.
“You’re sitting on the balcony when I take a bath.” He walks out of the bathroom, and points at the balcony.
“Yeah, it’s not like I exactly want to see you naked, boy.” You reply, rolling your eyes as you open the door, a bunch of cold air coming inside. “Jeez! It’s freezing out there!” You exclaim, closing the door with a slam.
“You’re being dramatic. Sit in the cold.” He walks up to you, opening the door to the balcony. “I don’t want to!” You shout back, he shivers as the cold air surrounds him, his face going a bit pale.
“So how do I bath?” He shouts back, closing the door again. His eyes are narrowed, demanding, but as you look down, his hands are shaking, body extremely tense. Was he angry or just nervous?
“I’ll just sit by the wall.” You point to the one that the basin is on. “I guess it’ll work.” He sighs, walking up to his suitcase and grabbing some clothes. It’s just some random t-shirt and some shorts.
You grab your laptop and sit down against the wall, you open it and you start scrolling on social media, hoping it’ll make the time go faster. You also wanted to take a bath, get all the yucky dust and dirt off of you and feel refreshed once you get out.
So you sat there for 15 minutes while you heard Alex slosh around in the bath. The minutes ticked by extremely slowly, you’d scrolled through a bunch of videos and you felt a bit restless. You heard him get out and grab a towel. He walks out, and he smells like body wash and Pantene Hair Conditioner.
You look up and see him walk to the bed, you hadn’t even fretted over the bed yet. The sheets were pulled tight and there was about lot of pillows. Both decorative and ones for sleeping. You could build a pillow wall if you had to.
You pack your stuff away and walk to your suitcase, getting your clothes and toiletries. When you walk into the bathroom, you see him still sitting on the bed, picking dirt out of his nails.
“Behind the wall. I gave you your privacy. Repay it.” You demanded, looking at him. He just nodded and sat against the wall.
You run the bath again and undress. Constantly checking to make sure he’s not peeping. You sit down in the bath and the warm water feels heavenly against your sore and overstimulated muscles.
You spend about 15 minutes washing up and making sure you are clean from all the dirt, dust and other things from today. You drain the bath when you’re done and get into your pajamas. Alex is half asleep against the wall as you walk out.
“So bed or floor?” You ask, almost half snapping him out of it.
“Bed.” He replied lazily, standing up and claiming the left side of the bed. He pulls the sheets and ruffles them up a bit. You grab your phone and phone charger and plug it in on the right side.
You pull your side of the blankets out as well and lie down. So he made more of a fuss about the showers than the bed?
Eventually your eyes start to droop as well. You turn off the lamp and lay in the darkness with him. Alex’s body is pressed up to the back of yours, and your heart beats a little faster at the contact.
Why was your heart beating faster? Were you nervous?
Your eyes start to close and you start falling asleep. You have a dreamless, deep sleep. It was not the most comfortable, but you’d experienced worse.
You woke up at about midnight. You felt something odd against you. It felt warm and it was wrapped all around you. You thought it was a blanket until it’s grip got tighter around your waist, and it nuzzled into your neck.
Alex?
Your eyes shot open in horror, your sworn enemy, ultimate academic rival and annoying classmate was hugging you? Your soul was desperately trying to leave your body and your breath was all tangled up. How could this be?
He hated you too, right?
Did he hate you as much as he led on?
You tried to snake out of his grip, but it only got tighter, gripping your pajama shirt and pulling you closer. His breath grazed the sensitive skin of your neck and it made you shiver. Why was this making you stiffen up?
You desperately wanted to get out of his grasp. Not because it made you feel gross, not because it made you feel uncomfortable, but you were feeling just a little bit too comfortable and you needed to deprive yourself of that feeling before you became attached to it and wanted it more than you should.
You hate him.
Do you? Do you not enjoy this? Was it not nice laying in his arms and feeling the soft puffs of air down your neck? Was it not nice to feel desired and wanted even when he’s unconscious? How long has he sought this for?
He wanted it more than you, right? Doesn’t it make sense? He was so nice to you and on a day it was like he flipped the switch. He went from love to hate, he cringed and laughed at you and it always made you feel bad.
Did he realize that he loved you and denied himself of the pleasure?
He probably did, and the thought made you sigh and just lay in his grasp. Your cheeks felt hot as maybe you wanted this as well, in a shut off, closed version of yourself. You wouldn’t want to fall for him, but maybe you’ve been falling for each other when you were too busy convincing yourself that you hated him.
It all felt a bit fuzzy and like you’d entered a grey area. What were you now? Friends again? More than friends? It’s complicated?
You were thinking about all of this when you heard a groan and his face lifting up from your shoulder. You shut your eyes immediately, acting like you were sleeping. How could he have caught you awake?
He lets go of you, but before he does, leaving a kiss on your shoulder.
“Are you awake?” He whispers, did he know you were awake? You say nothing, letting him sit up and watch as you “slept”. When you didn’t respond, he sighs, before turning over and lying back exactly like how you were before.
How were you ever going to keep this to yourself? Not when the tinges of attraction were starting to capture your heart like a fire. Nobody else had done that to you before, and maybe nobody else will do it to you other than him.
⊹︵︵︵ ⊹ 𝄞 ⊹ ︵︵︵ ⊹
When you left the hotel the next day, you felt a little disappointed hat he hadn’t done or said anything about what happened last night. You didn’t dare say anything and continued acting like you never felt it, but your body was threatening to betray you.
You started acting like how you did when you had a crush. Overly extroverted, loud and a blush was always dusted over your cheeks. When you looked at him you quickly snapped away when he looked back.
In class, you’d start making excuses to look back, watching the focus over his face as you talked with one of your classmates, or grab a book from the shelf at the back, or you “drop” something and try and get him to pick it up. It felt pathetic really, but you only saw him once or twice a day. Before, you dreaded those periods, but now, you were giddy and excited for them.
Perhaps a bit too excited.
“Who is it?” One of your friends asked as you walked to class. “What do you mean?” You replied, moving your pencil case out of the way to make sure you had your Geography book. “Who do you have a crush on?” She questioned, giving a curious eye to how your cheeks started to darken.
“I don’t!” You exclaim, looking back at her and hoping she’d buy your act. She seems a bit unsure as she opens the door to class. “You sure?”
“Sure.” You lied. How could you ever explain since the day you’d come back from the Geography practical you’ve been head over heels for Alex? It all festering behind closed doors. You thought of him everywhere. Eating dinner, in the car on your road trip, when you walked home from class. It was driving you to mania and back.
Alex himself seemed a bit unsure since that day as well - catching himself completely wrapped around the girl he convinced himself he hated. He tried to think of all the times you were embarrassing, or maybe an ugly moment, but he couldn’t think of any.
In fact, he kept thinking about how you felt under his hands. Soft, innocent, cute. Why was he denying himself the thing he so desperately wanted? He knew if he opened Pandora’s Box it would never go back to the way it was. It would either be the best day or the worst day ever.
So he waited. He waited until February 14th. He had ample time to make sure you liked him back.
⊹︵︵︵ ⊹ 𝄞 ⊹ ︵︵︵ ⊹
It was the break of Friday the 3rd of December. You’d both finished writing a Maths paper and you sat quietly inside of the library. It had already begun to snow, and you were cuddled up next to the heater in a blanket and hot water bottle.
Alex spots you amongst the sea of other kids - who all were sitting quietly and reading or whispering with one another. You just looked a little bit lost, out of it, even. You seemed to be shivering and your nose was a bit pink.
He decides that he maybe should apologize. He doesn’t understand what got into him at the start of the year. Why would he make a rumor saying that you’re not a virgin? Who does that kind of thing? Even if you hate one another, straight up lies are off limits.
It really impacted your social life, and he retracted from it as well. He should’ve been there for you, not causing you pain and wrecking your social life.
He walks up to you, and you look up at him. “Yes?” You ask, he looked a bit bashful and nervous. “May I sit with you?” He questioned timidly, playing with the sleeve of his blazer.
“Okay.” You respond a bit skeptically, he doesn’t normally do this. “Can we talk?” Alex asked, already starting to sit down next to you. You mumbled a “yes” before looking at him.
“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about the rumor. I was mad and angry, because I didn’t know how to deal with us. I know I hurt you, and the rumor got a lot bigger than I would’ve wanted. I’m sorry.” He apologized, his voice laced with sorrow.
You didn’t know if it was just a front or if he was genuinely sorry. When was the last time Alex had apologized to you? You don’t remember. It feels heartfelt and he came here on his own steam. He wasn’t with any of his friends beforehand and he looks a bit sad.
“Are you okay?” He asks, his hand twitching. He wants to reach out and make it right so badly, he wants to touch your skin and forget about everything that came before. It seems a bit early, and you haven’t even patched up and made friends with him again. So he keeps his hand on his thigh.
“Well, after not wanting to come to school, getting strange looks from teachers and students and completely binning my social life, you better damn hope I’m okay.” You pipe up, crossing your arms.
“I want to make it right, though. I don’t want to make you angry or mad or hate me anymore.” He speaks softly, delicately.
“I don’t want it to be you versus me, I want it to be about us. What happened to our friendship?” He asks, looking into your eyes.
“You told everybody I wasn’t a virgin anymore! What, did they think I slept with you?” You argue, maybe a little bit too loud for the library. Soft chatter stops and looks at the both of you.
“Well I said I’m sorry! I didn’t want to make your life hell I just-“ you cut him off, “You couldn’t deal with your own feelings towards me? Did you want me to forgive you when I’ve been sitting at school for 3 months with everybody thinking I’m a filthy bitch?”
The swear word earns a sea of gasps from the crowd that had started to listen in. Suddenly, you’re both angry, hot under the collar as you both find something to say, but the only thing that starts boiling in your throat is heartache.
“Why’d you do this to me, Alex?” You croak, crossing your arms around your stomach like you’re sick.
Alex stays quiet, before he hugs you. Just like how he did in the hotel room. It was warm, safe, it almost made you forget that you were arguing just seconds ago. His hand goes into your hair and he just cradles your head.
“I liked you all along. You were everything I wanted in a girl, you were smart, and pretty and even when you rolled your eyes at me I still thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world.” He sighs, “I’m scared of you not liking me back, or that you think I’m a prick, because I’m not. I didn’t ever want to hurt you. I was dealing with my own demons and you got hurt along the way.”
“I’m really sorry.” He apologizes, and you seem to lighten up in his arms.
“I like you as well.” You admit quietly. He seems to squeeze you tighter at the admission. He lets out a breath of relief as you speak the words he’s been fantasizing on hearing since he started school in September.
“So, what now?” He asks, looking down at you.
“Should we start over?” You ask him back. The way to describe your relationship at the moment is: “it’s complicated.”
“Yeah. Lets start over. Forget about all the stupid rumors and the fighting.” He nods, and you nod as well. Suddenly, there’s a weight lifted off both of your chests. It feels like release, you’re finally on the same page with one another.
When you eventually snake out of his grasp, about 60 kids are sitting in silence watching as the two of you made up.
It wasn’t exactly the greatest idea to make up inside of such a public place.
⊹︵︵︵ ⊹ 𝄞 ⊹ ︵︵︵ ⊹
“Alright everybody, I need to go photocopy something for class. Behave!” That was the last thing your teacher told you before walking out. As soon as she was out of earshot, everybody started talking. It was loud, it was rowdy. Amidst all of this, you were processing your own feelings.
Since the day in the library, you’d been talking to Alex more. You’d gotten his number and you’d phone each other for hours. Struggling with Geography together, studying together, just talking. You spent each afternoon talking.
But something was different. There was always a warm and safe feeling that had now risen between the two of you. You found you bonded on more things than you realized. You listened to the same music artists, you watched the same shows, you both liked summer and warm weather, you read the same books.
You felt heard and seen for the first time in a long time.
You were reading the textbook when you felt something come up right close behind you, super close. You could feel Alex’s breath and signature nervous chuckle.
“Do you want to go out with me tonight?”
Your heart stops, skips 2 beats, and then crashes into a staccato. You turn your head and look at him. “What?”
“I guess, just for coffee, or that bubble tea you said you liked, we can just talk about…stuff.” He stutters towards the end, his cheeks a bit red.
“Ye-“ You start responding but your teacher barges into class and his face is gone in an instant. He’s in his seat and the class is silent as she hands out the worksheets.
Your heart is still beating quickly, your cheeks red. When she’s at the back of the room, you look back at him, and he smirks.
⊹︵︵︵ ⊹ 𝄞 ⊹ ︵︵︵ ⊹
During break, he finds you in the library again. You’re sitting in a corner by the heater when he sits down next to you.
“You know, I was serious about tonight.” He says, looking at you. It feels a bit close and intimate, but you don’t comment on how all your insides feel like lava.
“Really? Well, I don’t know if my parents will let me go.” You sigh, picking at your skirt.
“We can go after school if you want. We don’t have to go at night.” He suggests. “Ask your mom though. Maybe she won’t let us.”
“Yeah. And your mom?” You ask, “She’ll be fine. She lets me go out with the lads so it should be okay.” He nods.
“It won’t be different because I’m a girl?” You question.
“She might be glad I can get some female attention.” You giggle at him.
The bell rings not shortly after. So if you’re allowed to, you’re officially going out with Alex. By high school standards, at least.