it is the last day of the month! so time for a monthly wrap-up of everything going on in my life!
early may (1-10 may):
in early may, i was mainly pre-occupied with school, i began studying on the 8th for my business test (which i am writing on tuesday lord help me i studied a month for one exam) my power had been off for ages, nearly a week. it broke again on tuesday and instead of the council fixing it, we did. now we just have to maintain our own damn electricity in this country.
mid-may (11-20 may):
i started feeling like shit cause i felt i fumbled my one chance at getting a boyfriend. i get short-sighted in these kinds of situations and i don’t actually feel like i messed up anymore. i had my 7 million orals day on the 20th where i stayed after school and watched my crush aggressively make out with his girlfriend while the entire grade 11 class watched. we really are an eccentric group of people (this felt like forever ago, even though it was like 10 days ago lol)
end of may (21-31 may):
those feelings of feeling like i fucked up persisted until about 3 days ago where i came to my senses and realised that he was actually lowkey kind of stupid and i deserve something better. i decided to start keeping a commonplace journal last night. i’m planning on making a digital one with graphics and fun bits of info i find online for here too :)
notable songs of the month:
- my moon my man - Feist
- FOR YOUR LOVE - måneskin
- Snap Out Of It - Arctic Monkeys
- Why Go? (feat. Estelle) - Faithless
- Next Summer - Damiano David
new songs of the month
- champagne supernova - oasis
- run - collective soul
- my moon my man - feist
- tell me why - supermode
Achievements
- ran a 5km in 38:30 yesterday (nearly kakked my pants but we did it) (if you think this is slow then fuck you cause i used to run the parkrun in 50 mins, ive shaved off like 12 minutes)
- finished business’ curriculum for the term 2 weeks early
- revamped this diary page
goals for next month:
- revamp this page’s css (again…)
- survive
- study
- actually make time to play playstation :(
orals were today. they werent actually that bad and the lady who did them was actually super nice. however, that is not what the chronicals of today's diary is about. my crush was AGRESSIVELY making out with another girl against the wall of our class (on the outside, lol) and there was a thin window at the top of our class we could see through and damn. there was passion. there was energy. and then he walked to his dad's car like an innocent boy!!! listen that girl is living the dream😔
The days are going so slowly and so quickly all at once. Exams are literally a week away and I've only started studying for business (oops, im worried about it thats why). My friends are kind of annoying me, I can't explain why. Just doing something and I get asked 7000 questions and get a snarky comment, like I get that my friend is just out of a breakup but I am also tired of the whole time getting asked why, or getting a comment. I get itchy and scratchy at this time of the year, and it makes me either extremely angry or I am extremely depressed about everything (like last year, lord help me, i was so depressed about nothing lol) so yeah. I also got super mad yesterday at like 21:00 because I feel that everyone I am surrounded with just doesn't get me and I don't get them and i's just an ugly cycle. I will now be going to write fanfics to decompress.
yesterday i was on a call and lowkey just wanted to post smth sorry if it is illegible 😂 i have posted 2 whole chapters to my fanfic and i am so proud of myself. lowkey feel like it is bad😔 anyway i am trying to motivate myself by saying that it is my first fic and fanfics should be bad but anyway. life is hectic, next week wednesday i've got 2 exams and 4 orals i have to present so damn😔
i have power and electricity finally, so tired, exams are in a second and i am WORRIED, stressed, nervous HELP ME.
we have been without power since tuesday. i have finished business studies. i am tired. my dad has started the generator again so i have power for 30 mins. our generator runs on petrol, so now it is expensive to run 😒 south africa is not for beginners
i keep posting here at the same damn time im crying, my power is off so i absolutely ran to my pc when my dad put the generator on. i will now be doing actual schoolwork!! 😒 i wish i could write longer but it's finally up and running! i worked hard on my diary page, probably harder than any of my other pages on this whole site so yeah
wow why is this at the exact same time? okay anyway fast forward 24 hours and i'm still working on that darn diary page, i have learnt so much actually, i'm lowkey kinda proud of myself. i'm trying to figure out a system that would make sense and also one that doesnt clutter all the files on my neocities and i get confused.
hi i'm trying to work on that darn diary page and im NOT winning