Hello! Welcome to my Journal, a place full of (maybe) sacred thoughts and my day-to-day dread and feelings. Here, you'll find some of my darkest thoughts in their mostly pure form. I actually had to think about turning on my PC and writing it in here. This may be long and a tad boring but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!
Latest update: 15/04/25
Date: 09/04/25
This is the first entry. I'm not sure if this is good, let me be honest, it's my first time sharing my deep and honest thoughts with the world. Today was kinda bad, I just felt kind of ticked off the whole day. I keep getting so pissed off by this guy in my class. I refer to him as Diddy for the same reasons we talk about actual Diddy. He's a fucking creep.
I have no idea if he's actually retarded or something, but I always catch him staring at me and it's so weird. He also keeps like busting out laughing in the middle of class expecting all of us to go "Oh, what's so funny?" but he just doesn't get the hint cause none of us are doing anything. Like I ain't even joking! He will do that and all of us (including my teacher) would go deadass still and he'd continue and eventually stop.
The actual audacity sometimes gets me as well. Like he literally would talk over my teacher and then act "guilty". Yup, he'd talk straight over her and then only when he's finished his sentence or his bitchass thought then he goes "sorry ma'am im really trying to improve on not talking over other people" like bro WTF
Then, again, I definintely accidentally joined a special school. I tell you. I joined this school because I've been to basically every SMALL school in my area. This school is so weird. Like I come here for an education and here this school is busy doing praise and worship everyday on a Friday. I don't have the time to be singing, I've got 30 maths units waiting for me!!!
Also the kids. We talked about Diddy, but Diddy is a special case. Let me tell you about some of the lower grades. Grade 9, there is this one guy who is a leader. I don't know what you guys call it overseas but basically like a prefect or someone who is like appointed by the school as a "role model". Anyway, so they appoint this guy, and in the middle of class when it is literally dead still and someone even so much as whispers he goes SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH at the top of his lungs
good god help me. help this school actually, there's special ones here.
Date: 11/04/25
That's 1 for me and my teacher. She clocked diddy so hard today it made me smile and giggle with laughter. So this guy, he always rushes through his work so he can start laughing and then get promptly ignored by all of us. Anyway, last term he completely skipped like half his work and got bad marks but has the audacity to complain.
But you don't fuck with my teacher. Today, we had a lesson in English on a concord. As a first language, I have no idea why they are learning about a concord, I have no idea what that even is. Anyway, so my teacher first asks him "explain it to me like I'm in grade 3." and he starts fumbiling because he doesn't know. Then, my teacher gets an actual grade 3 and says "explain."
All of my class are now watching in pure delight as this poes gets so humbled and it just made me so happy that someone finally put him in his fucking place where he belongs.
Also I was working and he keeps on doing this thing where he starts busting out laughing in the middle of class. But it's one of those annoying ahh laughs where he's definitely fishing for attention. He wants us all to laugh with him but we don't and just ignore him
It makes me glad he doesn't get any of the attention. Sue me but I was busy asking ChatGPT for advice on this guy and if he was a sociopath and ChatGPT said yes so...
I'm just glad he keeps getting clocked by someone everyday. Ma'am said "are you sure you understand" and he went "yes" and she went "if they ask it in the exam will you know what to do?" he said yes but my petty ass said no. He looked at me and went "yes" and I said "no, you can't because if you could you could explain it to the grade 3" and he just shut up.
Damn fucking straight you piece of shit.
Date: 13/04/25
Today is my cousin's birthday, but that's kind of irrelevant to this entry's topic. I've got an idea for a Roblox game and I'm also getting a new PC (mac mini m4).
If you see I've uploaded a bunch of pages it's because I'm going from windows to mac and I cannot transferm my files any other way. So this diary, cosmic cats, my new homepage, shrine, page 2 of my photo album will all be uploaded to neocities but im hoping since I don't add links to them on my homepage nobody sees it.
That's also why the page next to this entry says "coming soon" i'm probably getting that PC this week and my parents will sponsor me ~R1000.
Anyway, back to my Roblox game idea. I'm sure many have had this idea and also failed, but I really want a Royale High inspired game. I know I can learn Lua. I learned Css and HTML in about 3 weeks, obviously this is a much more complex coding language, so I think I may hold off on learning JavaScript and learning Lua instead. I'm hoping just to have this game as a sort of "side hustle" if it gets popular.
I know the girls are thirsty for a new game. DTI is problematic and it's gameplay is highly repetitive. I want to kind of expand on Royale High by giving the community what they want, making getting currency fun and also making the school less of a teleport situation.
I HATE teleporting around in Royale High, so I'd like to avoid that as much as possible. There are some things I swear down on my nan's grave I will NEVER add to the game simply because I watched them destroy Royale High
Most of my idea is making a school with dressing up like royale high but with the realism of DTI and the mechanics of this one game I played on roblox called Enchanted Academy
Why I want to include Enchanted Academy is because I like that you can become a vampire, or a ghoul, or a kind of monster, that is something really cool that I love.
Also as a ode to all the eras of roblox games I played, I want to have like a cooking class such as Frappe or Pastriez, I want a gymnastics class, I want a Ballet class and also just for fun an art class as well because I love art.
I'm going to have to learn Lua to code all of this nowðŸ˜
Date: 15/04/25
I got my school report back today and I did best in the class! Yippee! But thats not what I'm writing about. I'm getting so triggered everyday by Diddy it's not even funny. I had my teacher back me up on that, because we were walking to the office together and she said to me "You know, I don't know how to address Diddy(she used his real name, that feels like saying a sin) laughing in class. He's too loud and distracting the other kids." and I just told her "Just ask ChatGPT, that's what I do, I put it on voice note and start venting and just ask for advice." and she agreed with me. My mom said she should probably pull him aside and just address it with him
I can't actually tell you what the fuck is wrong with that child. I seriously can't. I don't know if he's just emotionally unintelligent or actually fucking retarded but it just infurates me to another level. Every time he does something he HAS to look at me. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've felt so uncomfortable since the start of the year. He even makes the boys feel uncomfortable.
Like I'm sorry for the boys but at least he isn't attracted to you and trying to touch you the whole time. I wanted to mention that as well...He still tries to stand behind me and watch me bend over. Tell me you're a porn addict without telling me you're a porn addict. Seriously. What the actual fuck? Watching your underaged classmate put her books inside of her book box. He probably gets off to it as well. I want to actually dissolve into the wall.
I have to mention my friend today in class. So he does another one of his cringe ass laughs, me, her and my teacher all make eye contact with one another. She is poker face, she gives him a glare and then looks at me and I nearly busted out laughing. It was so crazy. I've never seen her so pissed off. Let me be honest it pissed me off as well, but it made me laugh seeing her face.
I'm always asking ChatGPT for advice as well. I'll start venting to it and asking it for advice on how to approach a situation. I'm scared he tries to come from a different angle and catch me off guard. Right now I'm just keeping my distance and shutting down all conversation between us. I don't know if that is productive but it seems to be working. He can complain, my magic line is:
"He makes me feel uncomfortable"
This was lowkey long help I'm just feeling mad today. I wrote in my actual real-life journal aboout forgiveness because I'm being bitter about the past again.